The Trauma Tug-of-War
The tug-of-war that takes place in my psyche now is that in relation to my trauma, I’m simultaneously obsessed and avoidant. I avoid the triggers because it’s painful, even detrimental, to revisit the traumatic memories.
Category: Growing Up Jeub
Birthday Post 10
I hear you don’t like itI don’t care if you don’t…You can burn the skin I live inBut you cannot burn the witch away-Aurora, The Devil is Human It’s taken twelve years to record my thoughts on milestones ten times. For me, a birthday is a chance to reflect on how life changes as it… Continue reading Birthday Post 10
Letters of Self-Compassion: You’ve Come So Far!
A reflection on what self-compassion means.
How Harmful is Educational Neglect?
For the past several weeks, I’ve been re-entering the world of Duolingo. Since I first used the app about a decade ago, it has received a full makeover and many additional courses. It now includes math and music challenges, and I’ve been enjoying those a great deal. When you start a new course, the app… Continue reading How Harmful is Educational Neglect?
Parrot Performance
I didn’t know how to connect. I only knew what I was taught, and I was taught badly. Like a parrot in a cage, I learned the language of my captors. My parents kept me trapped inside a small world, and I only knew how to speak the way they taught me to. Dad was… Continue reading Parrot Performance
Children Do Not Belong to You
Content warning: this piece discusses child abuse and neglect. “Children, you are about to be told one more time that you are America’s most valuable natural resource. Have you seen what they do to valuable natural resources?! Have you seen a strip mine? Have you seen a clear cut in the forest? Have you seen… Continue reading Children Do Not Belong to You
Letter of Self-Compassion: Hell
One of my earliest memories is of crying with my mom. When I was about five, it occurred to me that not everyone I loved was a Christian. My mom told me that they would be going to hell, and I was gutted. I started naming family members, asking “even them?” and as I cried,… Continue reading Letter of Self-Compassion: Hell
Non-toxic Positivity
I started blogging over a decade ago, and I’ve always written about my beliefs and how they’ve changed. In one of my early posts, “When the Heart Forces a Smile,” I talked about how my mom taught me forced smiling when I felt upsetting, intense emotions. I didn’t identify this as a form of controlling… Continue reading Non-toxic Positivity
Homeschooling and the Dunning-Kruger Effect
I was homeschooled from Kindergarten through 12th grade. As someone who was homeschooled, I am limited to my own experience and perceptions. When I started high school through my community college last year, I was not even aware of what subjects I would need to study. However, my parents and other homeschool parents often told… Continue reading Homeschooling and the Dunning-Kruger Effect
Close Clarity
I entered adulthood wholly uneducated and unprepared for life. I was homeschooled until I was 19. When I tried attending a local university while living with my parents, I had no time to study. I also had no respect for academia. In my mind, my own ignorant Christian beliefs were superior to whatever I might… Continue reading Close Clarity